She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
