I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
