I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
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