Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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