can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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