I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
There's a naked man in my car right now.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
