Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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