Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
