So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack