I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.