you turned your livingroom into a bong?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
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