Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
