Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Randomize
