I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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