How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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