I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
