I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
