her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
