im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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