Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Just cropdusted the office
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
We don't watch enough power rangers
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
