Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
