If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
