I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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