hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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