I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
