Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
