so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
