FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
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we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
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My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
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