thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
