The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
The best revenge is premature balding
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
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