90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
