I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
