either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
