My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
you traded sex for a burrito?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Randomize
