Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
