I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
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