woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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