I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
4 words: hood of his car
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
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I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
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I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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