piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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