i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
