I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
