don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
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