The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
