Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
