I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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