If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
