My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
and she was petting her beer can
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
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At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
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By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult