Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.