By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
