I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
30+ People Share Their Worst ‘Intimate Experience’ And They’re Traumatizing
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.