People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.