my vag is so smooth its legendary
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate