is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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