Texts From Last Night

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  (323): View more from California

  question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line

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  (323): question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line http://tfl.nu/5bhb
  Replies (38) Good night (2835) Bad night (1071)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling

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  (612): and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling http://tfl.nu/vkmi
  Replies (12) Good night (4344) Bad night (956)
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  (504): View more from Louisiana

  insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.

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  (504): insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us. http://tfl.nu/mwl1
  Replies (20) Good night (4824) Bad night (1037)
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever

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  (910): phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever http://tfl.nu/0zmb
  Replies (19) Good night (6118) Bad night (726)
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  (626): View more from California

  a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms

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  (626): a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms http://tfl.nu/zv9q
  Replies (6) Good night (946) Bad night (3897)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night

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  (732): His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night http://tfl.nu/6kh8
  Replies (11) Good night (2589) Bad night (1108)
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.

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  (515): Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position. http://tfl.nu/fpbx
  Replies (3) Good night (1609) Bad night (780)
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.

  (1-757): View more from Virginia

  I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?

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  (757): Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse. (1-757): I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic? http://tfl.nu/c2pk
  Replies (9) Good night (3282) Bad night (839)
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  (517): View more from Michigan

  Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?

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  (517): Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night? http://tfl.nu/i8wb
  Replies (1) Good night (1064) Bad night (636)
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!

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  (503): Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered! http://tfl.nu/55g9
  Replies (8) Good night (985) Bad night (383)
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  (209): View more from California

  i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious

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  (209): i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious http://tfl.nu/dwdz
  Replies (5) Good night (1176) Bad night (564)
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  (928): View more from Arizona

  I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink

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  (928): I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink http://tfl.nu/vd8n
  Replies (5) Good night (728) Bad night (413)
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..

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  (818): My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight .. http://tfl.nu/dmyo
  Replies (1) Good night (620) Bad night (294)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling

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  (203): don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling http://tfl.nu/liv2
  Replies (2) Good night (483) Bad night (183)
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....

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  (410): We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet.... http://tfl.nu/etdv
  Replies (1) Good night (264) Bad night (143)

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