my phone cant type all the emotion im having
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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