wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
i think my cat just said my name.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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