Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
