I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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