oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I had to cum in my sink.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
