Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
