I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
