***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize