i jhust puked up my retainher.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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