Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize