I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Is it penis luge time yet?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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