i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
