i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
