You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
