If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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