do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
