btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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