i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
