Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
